She's a Maneater!

JSim is at it again! The boyfriend fled, axed her from his house as well as his fridge, so what's a girl to do? Plan a perfect revenge, apparently. She is going to get her "old body" back and show him up. Not sure what happened between Jess and Tony, but their relationship never seems solid anyway. Everyone thought she was at his games for moral support, but, as it turns out, she was there for some nachos and a hot dog. And more power to her! We are not counting your calories, Jess, so, go ahead, eat and enjoy -- food will never leave you. Well, it will eventually, through a natural process, but it definitely won't dump you the night before your 29th.

I have not heard of girls trying to look better and skinnier -- in case they run into an ex --since high-school. For someone who is pushing 30, it seems like she has too much damn time on her hands. If she is so concerned with people taking her seriously, maybe she should enroll in college, get a doctorate in something and work on her vocal abilities. She became a joke long before she packed on a few pounds, so maybe she should prove everyone wrong by turning out smart. Everyone can lose weight -- that's just calories in, calories out.

Wholesome Goodness

Since I stopped running at about 16 weeks (three full months ago... tear,) my subscription to Runner's World has not seen much action. It used to be my 'go-to' read during the morning on the train, but now its inspirational personal record stories and tips on how to fit marathon training into your work week do not resonate with me and my ever-expanding waistline (...another tear.)

But!! I re-discovered the recipe section of that magazine. My first attempt is below:

Quinoa Salad -- easy, summery and healthy

2 cups of quinoa (cooked, obviously)
Veggies that you like in a salad (mine are cucumbers, radishes, tomatoes, red peppers, red onions, scallions)
A pinch of sea salt
A tablespoon of olive oil and lemon juice (although I made my own dressing -- olive oil, dry mustard, minced garlic, fresh ground pepper -- mix, leave for about 15 minutes and season whatever you want. But beware -- it's not for those, who make out right after dinner.)

Enjoy.

A Cup is a Cup... Unless It's a CUP!!

25 weeks and counting. More than half-way there, but bored beyond belief. Nearly 14 lbs gained, nothing fits and, trust me, nothing is cute. Non-pregnant women and women who were pregnant a while ago always say that these days maternity clothes are just like regular clothes -- cute and trendy and nice-fitting. LIES! Most maternity wear is unflattering, overpriced (especially considering that you will only need it for four months,) and tends to be bigger in unnecessary places. How can I ever channel my inner Nichole Richie with these hideous outfits?



Well, a few things do work nicely.



1. Victoria's Secret 'Lacie' thong -- stretchy and soft and do not show under clothing.

2. H&M tank tops and spaghetti strap tops -- these run longer and cover the belly nicer. Plus, they don't ride up.

3. Plain tees by Velvet -- also long and slimming. And made out of the finest knit cotton one can imagine, so you are not sweating up a storm this summer.

4. Bio-Oil -- I just discovered it. It's not as greasy as some of the other belly oils and doesn't smell weird.

Springy-Spring

Pink and nude and oh so pretty:

Azzedine Alaia dress; Giuseppe Zanotti platforms; American Eagle fedora; TopShop scarf and a vintage ring.

Or you can just add these Chanel chunks of happiness to your collection. Because why not?

Donna Martin Graduates

Stumbled upon this post on WhoWhatWear.com. The 90's is the new 80's. I can't believe I ever threw out my Doc Martens and bodysuits. 90210 never disappoints.

I Do !!!!!

Carrie Prejean was back on the Today Show this morning, preaching her "biblical" viewpoints and standing up for all things "righteous." Taking it a step further, she has become the face as well as the voice for the National Organization for Marriage, forever positioning herself as 'anti-gay', regardless of how many pictures of her partying with drag queens surface. Perhaps, in the beginning, it really was just her mere opinion. Now, however, she seems to be exploiting her conservatism in attempt to squeeze out more publicity. And some cash money, obviously.

More importantly, what was up with the CP's make-up? Purple eye shadow, bright pink lips? Flashbacks to 1992 summer camp. People warned her that she would never get her make-up and hair right again after those comments, but, "no offense to anyone," this was too good to be true.

These Boots Were Made For Walking???

Fashion-smashion. These hairy monsters will cost you between $1,600 and $2,500, but that does not stop every self-respecting fashion fanatic from getting a pair. Or two. They come in a variety of colors, feathers, animal skins. It's a statement, I get it. All of your accessories centered in one place -- around your ankles.

A bunch of celebrities and fashion forward-thinkers have been "spotted" wearing them -- where else? -- on various carpets and shopping sprees. Since the shoes are not available in stores yet, I presume they got them for free. We will see these celebrities and fashion forward-thinkers wearing these works of art on their feet and we will all get the urge to buy them pronto. Who doesn't want a little feather - Afro-bead - python leather action going on down there?

Pretty is for Suckers, Suckers!

Season 12 of America's Next Top Model started last week. Cycle 12 of praising Tyra for everything she has given the world of modeling, also know as Tyraland -- truly, the ONLY world worth living in. I missed it (How dare I??) Had to catch up via blogs and online video bits... and this year is gonna be TOTALLY different... NOT

Like its predecessors, the new season guarantees a plethora of Tyrantics, a collection of odd-looking girls who are never to be seen again as well as an 'inside look' to a bunch of so-called 'real fashion' photo shoots filled with trapeze artistry, animals untamed by Siegfried and Roy as well as possible cuts of swine made into bikinis. May I have the tenderloin two-piece in a 4, please?

Nevertheless, Tyra's outrageousness continues to pump up the level of crazy. This year, she is opening the door to the uglies. After all, in Tyraland, models are not supposed to be pretty. In fact, Tyra doesn't care what they look like, as long as they don't look better than her. If you want your doze of pretty from ANTM, then you best be looking at Da Hostess. To please you, the pretty-seeker, TB will also be providing a retrospect of her modeling career via re-touched photographs and such. Long live the king!

Religion, Hook-ups and a Bunch of Math: WWJD?

As it turns out, Jesus is not that hard to find. Perhaps Jehovah's witnesses should replace their nice old ladies in attempt to save our souls through Brazilian male models.

He is 22, she is pushing 50. She could have had him for a son, or, perhaps a grandson, since his actual grandmother is not much older than her. Some of us are disgusted, some are amused, most don't really care about skinny old rich people who take in humans for pets.

I wasn't bothered by Madonna's age: yeah, it's icky, but Demi / Ashton totally buffered my attitude toward May-December romances. Now, the kid's mother is only 36, 14 years younger than Madonna. That means she gave birth at 14. According to this piece, she is a devout Evangelical Christian, who is outraged by her son's actions. Something is fishy. Firstly, her age group makes up Madonna's prime audience. Secondly, Madge's fan base in other countries is uber huge -- we have seen people sell their family heirlooms in exchange for concert tickets. Thidly, can you be a devout Christian and 'go all the way' at 13? Finally, Jesus Pinto da Luz wasn't a virgin, as he left "a trail of ex-girlfriends" behind, so does it make any difference who his new lady friend is? Given the potential of this relationship, Cristiane Regina da Silva should be jumping for joy knowing that her son finally hit it big.

Even if his modelling career were to take off, we still would not have known his name. How many male models can you name? The dude who is dating Halle Berry, the dude who is dating Cameron Diaz, and Tyson Beckford -- the dude who hosts a reality show about models. Otherwise, they are no more than a lower abdomen shot on a billboard on the corner of East Houston and Lafayette. Lucky for Jesus, his situation may actually result in something measurable.

Bright Lights, Phat City: Converting Pounds into Dollars

Nobody wanted to talk about Jessica Simpson's weight gain per se, so we all talked about how despicable it was for someone to notice her alleged weight gain. Jess hasn't been in the headlines for her music or movies, so what's a star to do for publicity when all else fails? Sure, the economy is terrible, people are losing jobs and houses, children are starving all over the world, we are fighting a useless war and there is no light at the end of the tunnel yet. Jess has a point, her appearance should be the least of everyone's problems... BUT! You know who is not starving? She isn't.

Celebrities are quick to cry privacy when they don't like what they see, but I am willing to bet $5 that within eight weeks her body will be transformed back into the lean, mean muscle machine that it used to be and she will happily grace the covers of multiple mags plugging her new diet, workout, trainer and advice on how to stay fit. More so, her clothing line will include workout clothes for girls who want to "look and feel cute" at the gym.

What gives, Jess? Just let us have our distractions and irrelevant news. Be happy that this time they revolve around you. I know it sucks when the pounds pile on, but unlike most of us, you will parlay these extra curves into a calendar, a book or a DVD, that we all will eventually buy. Meanwhile, we will be stuck with the bad economy, the job loss and the hungry children.

January 21, 2009 -- Of rappers and men

Who doesn't love Joaquin Phoenix? A rare breed, he is in good with the ladies all the while most dudes recognize his swagger as well. Talent? Check. Looks? Check. Accidental / subconscious sense of style?* Check. Looking at his long hair and beard, one can't help but wonder, is he sloppy or is this a part of something bigger? Is this an expression of his individuality, an attempt to mock our pop-culture obsessed society that looks for a deeper meaning behind his laziness to groom?

My question is, how can I retire early from my day-to-day job in favor of doing something entirely different? I, too, no longer want to be in communications. Instead, I would rather be in training to become the next crazy female judge on "So You Think You Can Dance."

JP is a rapper now. Check out his raps below. In the background, you will see a painting of what looks like the Rokeby Venus by Velasquez.






*Accidental / subconscious sense of style -- several years ago, my dearest friend Lisa and I noted that men with authentic sense of style don't try to appear stylish. Perhaps it was something they were born with or grew up with. In any case, they looked effortless and, regardless of what they wore, they appeared "cool." To us anyway. We called them "accidentally stylish" or "subconsciously stylish."

January 15, 2009 -- Other things one can buy

The idea was that in 2009 I will take my style to the next level. I will stop chasing after trendy steals and invest in classic pieces that will last forever and make every fashionista drool. While I am saving up the pennies for a stylish frock, people out there are ready to invest millions (literally) into something entirely different.

A San Diego Women's Studies co-ed has put her virginity up for an auction at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada. Along with some not-so-virgin photos to entice the bidders. The highest bid is up to $3.7 million. Supposedly.

LOL@ her idea to give it up at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, the 'upscale' brothel. LOL@ people amazed at a 22-year old virgin (Salt Lake City, UT, people!) LOL @ her older sister actually working at the ranch.

Since she finds her act "empowering," I can only wish her the best of luck. Although, I wonder if she would be OK having sex for free afterward. It would be a step down and I was always taught to trade up when it comes to relationships. Start with frogs, end with princes.

January 7, 2009 - Happy New Year!

Well, for some of us anyway.

My better half was looking for free stuff in Manhattan (what a thrifty cutie,) and stumbled upon this posting on Craigslist. Who says we can't all party as if we run Hollywood?

5L Heineken keg opened last night
Reply to: sale-976491797@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-01-01, 2:32PM

Hello, I have a 5L Heineken keg. We opened late last night but only drank a couple cups. It's in my fridge now. We don't plan to drink any more and don't want it to go bad. Please pick up by tonight!! Email with a time you can come. Washington Heights. Btw, we also have chicken feet - 6 - that my Chinese friend brought and that we don't intend to eat if you are interested.


it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Original URL:http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/zip/976491797.html


P.S. Unfortunately the original post has been removed by now, but it was totally there.